


A Crow with Clipped Wings

by Potato_Alchemist



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Catholicism, Dry Humping, Grinding, M/M, Pining, sad angsty sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 15:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12867192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potato_Alchemist/pseuds/Potato_Alchemist
Summary: Link just wants someone to love him, but maybe he takes it too far.





	A Crow with Clipped Wings

It’s hours after Walker has fallen asleep and Link is sitting in his bed, staring into the engulfing darkness. When the door creeks open and a sliver of light filters in, he sees Tokusa standing by the door.

Link slides out of bed and spares only a glance to make sure Walker is still at least pretending to sleep before he joins Tokusa by the door. But with a shake of his head and a taunting smile on his face, Tokusa pushes him back inside and closes the door.

They make their way to Link’s bed holding hands, an innocent contrast to the sharp red of Tokusa’s eyes. Something Link knows is his fault.

“Why are you here?” Link asks, sitting too close to Tokusa. Or maybe Tokusa is too close to him. Either way, it’s improper and Link is as nauseous as he is excited.

“Because I just can’t stay away from you, _Howard_.” The curl Tokusa adds to his name is dirty and it makes Link feel like he needs to confess to someone.

_But confess what?_

“Why are you here?” Link repeats, hoping the way his stomach is churning isn’t evident in his voice.

He listens to the soft sound of Walker’s breathing as he waits. It’s familiar in the way his own heartbeat is.

“Maybe it’s because I love you.”

Link forgets what his heart is supposed to sound like when it’s not thudding against his ribs.

“Or maybe I’m just bored.” Tokusa kisses his cheek. “You’re so fun to mess with,” he says, lips swiping against Link’s skin.

Link forgets how conversations work, forgets he is supposed to be talking. When Tokusa presses closer, Link’s hands shake where they rest against his soft blanket. Much softer than the ground outside a church.

“I never realized how nice it is to be needed,” Tokusa whispers, and Link wonders if he is imagining the way it sounds sticky like Tokusa is trying not to cry.

“I need you.”

For a moment, Link wonders if Tokusa heard him, and then for another moment, Link wonders if he said it at all.

“For what?”

_Friendship? Someone to pass the time with? Someone entertaining? Love?_

_Love._

“Well, I guess someone like you would just say something like that to someone like me.”

_No. Never._

“Anyway, I just thought I would see how the great Inspector Howard Link was doing in the middle of the night.”

Before Tokusa can leave, Link finds it in himself to reach for him and pull him back onto the bed. And before Link can say anything, Tokusa kisses him. Their teeth knock together, and Link doesn’t know what to do with his hands or with his mouth, and it feels like Tokusa is scared to let him breathe.

When Tokusa pulls away, Link curls his fingers against the bed as his hands shake again.

“I shouldn’t have done that. A good, Catholic boy like you could never do something so bad. Right, _Howard_?”

As Link takes a shallow breath that fills his lungs too much, he thinks that maybe being “a good, Catholic boy” shouldn’t involve turning his friends into monsters or standing by and watching a kid break himself in half to save the world.

“I’m not a good person, though,” Link admits. A shiver runs up his spine, and he shudders. He forgets about it when Tokusa kisses him again, just like he forgets that this is going to hurt him every day for the rest of his life.

By the time Tokusa breaks the kiss and presses him into the mattress, Link’s cheeks are wet and he doesn’t know which one of them was crying. But then a hot tear trails a track down his skin and a cold one falls from above him and onto his nose.

Link is so close to asking Tokusa if he wants to stop when Tokusa grinds against him. It feels so good he forgets that it’s bad, and that Tokusa doesn’t love him, and that maybe no one will ever love him.

Every movement either of them makes is clumsy and uncoordinated, but neither of them stops, neither of them says much. In between kisses that are too gentle, Tokusa pants out, “Howard,” like it’s the filthiest thing he can think of in German or English.

Link cums first with a stutter of his hips against Tokusa’s and his tongue tripping over Tokusa’s name. As Tokusa shifts and moves to grind against Link’s leg, Link feels like someone has clipped his wings.

Tokusa whispers, “Fucking hell,” too close to Link’s ear. Link can’t help but think that is exactly what Tokusa is doing, and it makes him sick to think about as Tokusa stills against him.

“I…” Link tries to get out more, but he can’t find his voice.

“You know,” Tokusa says as he gets off Link, leaving him feeling emptier than before, “I really do love you. Or at least, I did.”

For a few seconds, Link is okay with that because, for however brief a time, someone loved him. But then Tokusa kisses him, and he doesn’t know how, but he is falling in love again with the idea of Tokusa loving him.

“Goodnight, Inspector Link,” Tokusa says as he leaves. It’s as cold as the smile he gives Link for the fleeting moment Link can see him.

Link makes it until the door closes again before throwing up on himself. It’s only then that Walker asks, “Link?”

“How long have you been awake?” Link asks, ignoring the way the scent of vomit burns his nose.

“Just long enough to hear you throw up.”

_Liar._

“Are you okay?” Walker asks, shifting in his bed.

“I’m fine.”

_Liar_.

Link doesn’t have time to be anything but fine. He has to clean himself up, he has to do his job, and he has to deal with what he’s done.

Because Link is still a good, Catholic boy, he will confess his sin, but because he is not a good person, he might not be truly sorry about it.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this, but I decided to do it anyways. So, thanks for reading :)


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